Some of us will have adventure delivered in boxes with strange addresses. Some of us will receive love in pretty ribbons. Some of us will find intriguing opportunities laid out plainly. Others still will have joy tumbling down about them like rain.
I do not know what I will be given. These last three days have been filled with joy and accomplishments.(wow i can not spell to save my life, since when has that been spelled with two 'c's and no 'k'?) I have discovered that I can take joy from so many little weird activities. I adore rearranging(Gaah! three 'r's! really?) the books on my shelves, putting away groceries, cleaning my room or loading the dish washer. Then there are the less weird joys, such as collaging, taking walks in the rain, reading, dancing, listening to the wind, thinking about God and praying. There are so many delightful things that I could make this post as long as the Mississippi River(Ha! I spelled it right the first time!).
But something else popped into my attention while I was contemplating joy, Fear. We do not think about fear, at least we try not to. I find myself saying "Oh, I am not afraid of much, a few things here and there but nothing serious."
LIES!!
Fear is everywhere in me. It is there in everyone. I Fear so much it demands to be capitalized every time I write it. I feel it orbiting between my skull and brain. It covers my ambition(that is stupidly spelled. I mean, come on!) and it frustrates me!
Without Fear I would have accomplished grand things last year. I probably would have entered an art contest, or just painted more.
I am afraid of silly things that don't need fear. I Fear people I don't know, I Fear what they could think of me when they probably don't even think of me at all. I Fear being shallow. I Fear being fat. I Fear ordering my own food or coffee at cash registers, I am getting better at this one though. I found I have a legitimate Fear of zombies. These do not need my Fear.
Then I have the Fear of Failure. The classic Fear of Trying. The Fear of Not Being the Best. These Fears I hate. I do not need these Fears. I want with all my being to be a risk taker, an explorer of distant lands and activities. I can only turn to God when these fears set in. I have begged and cried before Him to take these Fears away from my flawed being. He has been good to me.
They are still there but they no longer eat at me. When I wish to take a risk at something or try something new I hold back. Hesitation, the child of fear, grabs me. I pray, hoping God will shake him off me. He does when it is His will that I take a risk.
The fears are lessening; I realize I have but to say Gods name and they will depart from me. I am being freed, I do not have to capitalize the name of fear. So there!
This New Year is looking up, have a good one all you cashiers and zombies. I will take joy in renouncing you! Look for grand wil things by Tallis R.D. in 2011!
Bye now
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