This is my call, i can do nothing else

"Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not be ashamed, rightly divided the word of truth." 2 Tim. ii. 15.

"If you cannot express yourself on any subject, struggle until you can. If you do not, someone will be poorer all the days of his life. Struggle to re-expresssome truth of God to yourself, and God will use that expression to someone else. Go through the winepress of God where the grapes are crushed. You must struggle to get expression experimentally, then there will come a time when that expression will become the very wine of strengthening to someone else; but if you say lazily-"I am not going to struggle to express this thing for myself, I will borrow what i say,"the expression will not only be of no use to you, but of no use to anyone. Try to state to yourself what you feel implicitly to be God's truth, and you give God a chance to pass it on to someone else through you.

"Always make a practice of provoking your own mind to think out what it accepts easily. Our position is not ours until we make it ours by suffering. The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance."

That was the December 15th passage in Oswald Chambers book, My Utmost For His Highest. I got the book for 35 cents at a thrift store because I had heard of it powerfully spoken of by my friends.

This passage reached out a wrenched my soul inside me, it spoke some painful truths to me about myself, but at the same time it was relieving. Going after my passions was not to be put aside, I can run after them now without thinking i should be working on something that "really matters".

Where God calls loudest is where we should follow, it is what we should follow. I pray i will be able to hear His gentle words.