Where Can You Be Found?

There is nothing like emptiness. It feels as though right beneath your lungs there is a round hole. In that hole there are only echos of other peoples characteristics that you wish you had, retaining them in that hole doesn't work for you. There is still that emptiness filled with emotional slush. 

These are my feelings, but you know what? 

I am ok. 

Fine. 

Content. 

Able.

Ok.

I have felt this empty place before. This time it was a place I had hide my insecurities. I go through seasons of insecurities and then contentedness. This season I realized something, the reason for my ok-ness.

I am tired of being unhappy with myself. When the emptiness of jealousy and envy of the goodness I see in others comes upon me, I feel as though I am among the damned. It is hard to be around those blessed ones even if they are my dearest friends. 

God is not ok with that. He told me so. This is simply giving me a reason to nurse my obsession with myself. 

Fact:

I like myself a lot. 

I always have.

But to let that go wild is dangerous. So God gave me a way out. Give more and more of my precious self away at every opertunity. How do I do that?

Love everyone I can. And that includes God, himself. 

Learning will be involved in this. To give and pursue my friends and creator will be hard, but I think it will be fulfilling. and it will be a substance for my hole. 

“ One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others." - Lewis Carroll

And that's why I am ok. I am content in this. 

All my challenged enthusiasm, the Bursty Blogger.