Maybe in the Future...

Has your heart ever been broken? Have you ever felt like curling up in a corner because a boy hurt you?
Is the answer yes?
Mine too.


Lets face it girls, boys can suck sometimes. But never fear for I have developed a good way to get over those fickle boys.
Here is a practical guide to wallowing after heartbreak.


1. The first thing you want to do after the heartbreak is, as soon as possible, get into something comfortable. Pajamas, sweats, supportive bras, you get the picture. 


2. Comfort food. Mac'n'cheese, soup, or something along the lines of those yummy dishes. 


3. Chocolate. This has a category of its own because it is essential to a heartbroken girls survival. I discovered this recently. Just trust, it works miracles. 


4. At this point you need to find the most comfortable spot in the house to curl up and eat. 


5. Turn to music. I think music helps more then cheesy chick-flicks. When the movie ends you get a new wave of depression because the characters you have been living vicariously through have vanished. Music allows you to listen and do things to get your mind off it or to just sit and agree with the lyrics. 
Heres some of the songs that helped me.  


-Break even by The Script
This song captures the exact way heartbreak feels. It made me feel not so alone. 
-Original of the Species by U2
This song was so soothing. It is just a promise of love and care. Beautiful
-The Weary Kind from the soundtrack of Crazy Heart
The ton is perfect for a depressed mood. Plus I start crying every time I hear it. 
-Arms by Christina Perri
I felt this way. I felt exactly this way. 
-Mirrors and Smoke by Jars of Clay
This is a song about saying goodbye to someone you loved. It has a ton of resignation that strengthened me.


6. Stay away from movies or music that have to do with death. That subject is to morbid for an already depressed psyche. 


7. Do not wallow for an extended period of time. In my opinion a day is long enough. Next day you can still be down and out but get busy. Paint or go for walks or work, just do something to get your mind active and not so morbid.


8. This should be the first one but I thought I'de save it for last. Pray. Lean as far as you can into God. He is the perfect dream boat lover, so you can put as many expectations on him and He will prove over and over to you how he will love, hold, care for, die for, and woe you. Willingly run to him and He will put your pieces back together.


Sometimes life is hard to deal with, but love is harder to deal with. Strive for God and you will be happy, no matter who's hand you hold or don't hold. 

What do I do with this Raison?

I have a problem. Since it consists of something totally unfixable I need to vent about it.

Problem:

Then and Than.

What!

*says with little voice from The Fall(random movie, sorry)*

What!

Ok, who thought up the English language? Whoever did, I would like to punch him. I am fairly certain it was a man because a long time ago everyone had this idiotic mind set that men were the only ones who could think. Oh no, I am not feminist what so ever! If a woman made up the language we would not have tragedies like Than and Then! ...That is probably not true.

Seriously though! Who thought up that there would be two words that look exactly alike, sound exactly alike and mean two different things entirely! huum? I would like to know.

Another thing, Feminism is pointless!

Thank you for listening to my crazy person rant.

All my irritated enthusiasms, The Bursty Blogger

Trapped in a tower

I have been gone from my humble little blog for to long! I do have an excuse for my absence, no matter how common it is: I have no time.

Of coarse that is a lie for you always have time. It is unlimited until you die, then you actually have no time. What I should say is that all my time is taken up. Yes, that is better.

All of my time is stocked with classes, events, obligations, and homework. The only time I feel like I am not engaged in one of these things is when I am sleeping, and I haven't been getting enough of that.

My fully packed time seems to be racing past. So fast I can not grasp firmly to any moment. It got me thinking(a dangerous past time, I know ;). How can I live fully in this fleeting time period called my life? Observing people around me I realized that us humans live greatly on emotions. We latch onto the strongest emotion we are feeling at one time or another and we run with it for as long as it will hold out. When it fades we search for another.

Well, a problem with this is when we grab an emotion we do not notice all the other feelings and relationships that can be had so focused are we upon the emotion at hand.

If only we would step aside back from what we think is completely and utterly the most important thing in our lives to look at the big picture. When I stepped back I saw friends that where there for me but I had not been working hard enough to keep close. I saw little risks I could take that would result in many fond memories.

Ugg, this post is turning into a sappy feeling fest. Oh well, I am a girl which gives me the undeniable right to be sappy and dramatic. HA!

Anyway, when people do not realize this they tend to be very single minded which is very sad. They are not as fun to talk to. I can be this way, to focused on one thing. It is hard, pulling your eyes from an engaging or over-baring topic in your life. It's like this: you have one natural attention span, at least it feels like that. When you notice more then one necessary thing in your life you have to work at splitting that attention span down the middle. The action has a funny sort of pain to it, an uncomfortable feeling.

But after we get used to it and do it often, we get much more out of life.

But for now, stuck up in my turret(my room. It is not actually a turret, I just call that for fun) I find that today I must be single minded. Homework. Homework. Homework. Yep there is a hill of it.

I will see you after I climb it.

In which I tear apart a movies dreams

Well, I just waisted two hours of my life I could have been using to, I don't know, be happy or sing about how wonderful life is. Instead I had to sit and watch as one of my favorite books was turned into a weepy sad fest with no redeeming factors what so ever!

I am angry!

The book is Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I just saw the new movie with Michael Fassbender and Mia Waskowska or whatever her name is. I know I can be pretty nasty when I am angry but I don't care. After you have slaughtered one of the most perfect heroins in literature history I have no sympathy for anyone.

I am getting ahead of myself.

Two hours ago the only movie version of Jane Eyre that I knew was the 2006 adaption with Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens. If you have not seen this version then I highly recommend that you do. It is a sweeping two part epic that stays as close to the book as you could possibly want.

Then there is this new version.

I really did go into the theater hoping for the best. I knew it would not be the best but myabe it could hold its own. I was wrong.

Mia plays Jane. She has the span of exactly four emotions: crying, victimized, serious and crying. Never was there a convincing smile on her face. I did not see her fall in love with her co-star or give anyone else a genuine feeling. She just made me want to yell "Impostor!"

Michael as Rochester was alright. He also needed to smile and joke more but his 'desperate to keep the woman he loves' act was very convincing. It would have been better if the woman he loved was not a leaky stone wall incapable of emotion. Michael and Mia together had no chemistry. Even when they kissed there was something lacking. I think the director should have stopped filming when he saw the lack of passion and forced them on a road trip or locked them in a closet or dropped them on a glacier. Or something, anything to get a real emotion between them!

The only actor who was any good was Jamie Bell. His character, St.John, was the only one who had constant convincing emotions.

Besides the acting it was just a bad movie. The lighting was either blue or gold but mostly blue. Gloominess saturated the scenes. If I had been down hearted before I saw it I would have felt like jumping into a lake afterwards. It was a depressing movie.

It was a patchwork of all the big important moments. Then they took the biggest most dramatic epic proposal scene and turned it into a mild halfhearted confession of love that you already saw coming.

I am trembling. I have never been this worked up about a movie before. The book was perfect, the 2006 version was perfect. This was such a drastic decrease of quality that I think I am in shock.

i am going to go watch the 2006 version to cleanse my mind and sooth my now haunted soul. Haunted by a movie that makes you wonder if being in love makes you depressed. Because I feel depressed after watching that.

I should say nothing at all

Friends are special things. What makes them? What on this earth can explain them? I can not think of much.

You can explain physical attraction to someone by pheromones and biology. Hatred can be explained by animal instincts of territory being threatened or inflicting pain. But what about friendship? It is a feeling unlike any other known to humans. You enjoy another persons company just enough that you want to be around them but just not enough to be attracted to them.

Philia. Thats what the Greeks call it.

This love, the love of friendship, may not be considered passionate in ways of being "in love" but I can testify that it is a loaded feeling.

The feeling of true friendship for a person is virtuous, it is protective and it is highly loyal. I am a very loyal person to begin with so added to this Philia it reaches epic proportions. My friends are the dearest things I have in my life. I will stand with them, I promise.

Well, my friend has been hurt. The friend of my sister has been hurt and another someone who doesn't yet know they have been hurt, has been hurt. Three were hurt by one person because they were consciously selfish and needy and cruel beyond measure.

I liked this someone too. Stood up for them on occasion. Not any more.

Stay away from my friends. I am not the only one who feels this way about you now.

Goodbye.

I have been here and there

I have not blogged since... one second, I am bad at thinking back in the week, thats right it was thursday. That was the day before my besties graduation party, and that was the day before my sister, my dad and I flew to Colorado to ski over the weekend and that was right before school at Pasadena City College started. Geez! When said all in a row like that it is no wonder I have not found time to blog, or do much else for that matter.

Congratulations to Mariel!! She is 18 and out of high school! YAY!!

Skiing was amazing! The slopes were perfect and beautifully covered with natural powdery snow. I had only been skiing a few times before in places with slopes only half the size of these beauties. So it was an adventure! and a terrific one!

Pasadena City College was not so amazing. Since I am still in high school I have to "crash" classes. I go to the class and ask if there is room for me to be added to the class. Many times we crashers have to stay the entire class, usually three hours, to see if there is going to be an add list. If there is a list I sign it. After I have to come back the next week and see if I actually got in. Yuck.

Life is life and it must go on. So it does. I look forward to more good things, like Mariel's graduation, as it continues.

Have a good day!

Coming to a theater near you!

Alright, I feel an urge to address a growing problem in our generation. It is a very distressing problem and highly disgraceful to admit to having such a problem. I should get to the point; the problem I am speaking of is the alarming decrease of good films being in theaters over the last few years. Sure there have always been box office flops and always will be; how could you tell a film is good if there were not bad ones, right? I thought so, but lately it seems that people are losing that ability. To many people come out of a film in which the dialogue, story and character development tanked saying, "What a great film!" What? That makes no sense to me!

My sister and I do have a bit more of an acute sense of this because our father is a script writer and has taught us well in this area.

Now there is that occasional movie that fails in every aspected concerning a good film yet is terrifically fun! Take the 2009 Wolverine movie; bad story and dialogue yet the CGI infested action is great fun to watch. Or Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure; what the heck is the point of that movie? I have not the faintest clue but it fills the need for cheesy stupid humor and bad affects. I mean, what can beat a time machine phone booth filled with historical figures shooting along a time line that resembles a giant brain nerve? I bet I lost you in the last description. Your cocking your head at the computer saying "What is this girl talking about? History? Brain nerves, What?!" Just see the movie.

What I am trying to say is that there are exceptions to the bad movie making business. This movie is excluded from that exception.

The only explanation for the making of Gnomeo and Juliet I can come up with is a vague picture of a board movie maker with a volume of Shakespeare in his front lawn. I mean, it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke the punch line of which is this movie. I do not care if you think it 'looks cute'. I refuse to see this desecration of the greatest work of one of the worlds greatest writers! I can not make my point clearer.

This movie I do not understand. It has potential to be fun because it is a Pixar film and Pixar always manages to make a film fun. Now I thought that Cars 1 was not Pixars crowning moment. Yes, the landscapes were pretty but the script and animation can not rival their other movies. The hair and door work in Monsters Ink or the emotion in Wall-Es mechanical eyes and who can forget the facial expressions of fish in Finding Nemo. Fish barely have faces anyway so to make them relatable is a stunning feat. But anyway, Cars 2 is coming, I think Pixar could have done better. They could have made an Incredibles 2. That has an abundance of amazing story line by just saying the name! If they are trying to appeal to the little male audience, boys love super heros. I simple think they could have thought about something else but I will most likely see it when it comes out.
For a film that has come and gone: Yogi Bear. Really? I just want to ask what they were thinking. I see it now, film maker with a volume of childhood cartoons in his hand when a bear come out of the woods behind his house with and malls him! I wish if it had kept this movie out of film making history. It is complete with gross posters and a character that can speak bear. Is that even a language? 'grunt, grunt, *lumbers in a circle*' hey I can speak bear too! Also it dose not make sense that it came out in december. It takes place in the summer. That is just stupid.
Sorry if my opinion hurt anyones feelings. Think what you like about these films but i think they are not a blessing to the film industry. Except maybe Cars 2.

We need more films like Inception, Scott Pilgrim and The Fighter. Gosh that movie was amazing!

The past has produced amazing movies! The Philadelphia Story, Tootsie, All About Eve, The Dead Poets Society. Look at Alfred Hitchcock's films! Come on present! We can do better then this!

New Years thoughts

A new year has rolled its fresh self around us. What will it hold for us?

Some of us will have adventure delivered in boxes with strange addresses. Some of us will receive love in pretty ribbons. Some of us will find intriguing opportunities laid out plainly. Others still will have joy tumbling down about them like rain.

I do not know what I will be given. These last three days have been filled with joy and accomplishments.(wow i can not spell to save my life, since when has that been spelled with two 'c's and no 'k'?) I have discovered that I can take joy from so many little weird activities. I adore rearranging(Gaah! three 'r's! really?) the books on my shelves, putting away groceries, cleaning my room or loading the dish washer. Then there are the less weird joys, such as collaging, taking walks in the rain, reading, dancing, listening to the wind, thinking about God and praying. There are so many delightful things that I could make this post as long as the Mississippi River(Ha! I spelled it right the first time!).

But something else popped into my attention while I was contemplating joy, Fear. We do not think about fear, at least we try not to. I find myself saying "Oh, I am not afraid of much, a few things here and there but nothing serious."

LIES!!

Fear is everywhere in me. It is there in everyone. I Fear so much it demands to be capitalized every time I write it. I feel it orbiting between my skull and brain. It covers my ambition(that is stupidly spelled. I mean, come on!) and it frustrates me!

Without Fear I would have accomplished grand things last year. I probably would have entered an art contest, or just painted more.

I am afraid of silly things that don't need fear. I Fear people I don't know, I Fear what they could think of me when they probably don't even think of me at all. I Fear being shallow. I Fear being fat. I Fear ordering my own food or coffee at cash registers, I am getting better at this one though. I found I have a legitimate Fear of zombies. These do not need my Fear.

Then I have the Fear of Failure. The classic Fear of Trying. The Fear of Not Being the Best. These Fears I hate. I do not need these Fears. I want with all my being to be a risk taker, an explorer of distant lands and activities. I can only turn to God when these fears set in. I have begged and cried before Him to take these Fears away from my flawed being. He has been good to me.

They are still there but they no longer eat at me. When I wish to take a risk at something or try something new I hold back. Hesitation, the child of fear, grabs me. I pray, hoping God will shake him off me. He does when it is His will that I take a risk.

The fears are lessening; I realize I have but to say Gods name and they will depart from me. I am being freed, I do not have to capitalize the name of fear. So there!

This New Year is looking up, have a good one all you cashiers and zombies. I will take joy in renouncing you! Look for grand wil things by Tallis R.D. in 2011!

Bye now

hey... you

So facebook. or the stocker network as i have recently dubbed it because it is actually really easy to find out about a persons personal life. With a few clicks of that button and one more click on this button and "oh! hello boyfriend of that girl that my friends cousin sort-of-knows-but-not-really at youth group!" See, so simple.

It is more then a little disconcerting to know that while you're trying to find out some hidden fact about some hidden person they could be doing the same thing to you. But no matter how much more then a little disconcerting it is, it is even more addicting. I mean seriously, why can't i stop buying flair even though it "went out of style" forever ago? Or why can't i just stop chatting with a bazillion people and get some sleep? I tell you facebook is like glowing nicotine with a key pad.

plus, it is pretty pathetic who we stock. Do you ever stock your best friend? or your sister? no! you stock that popular kid over there who you want to be. I have done that too but it would be a lot easier if we stopped being cowardly, picked up our sac lunch, and walked up to just said hi. That way by their reaction you can tell if they are actually worth knowing. But no, we stay at the table where we have been sitting for the whole of our school life and imagine that you'ed be excepted into that tight knit group of preppies. Then we sneak home and watch their profile picture for an hour or so. We suck.

Well thats all for now. i don't suppose this post would be qualified as more cheerful then my last one? dang it. oh well, i'll do better next time.

catch you later!

Blah!

Last night was terrible. it was as if someone had reached a wire brush down my throat and rubbed it up and down. It took me a long time to fall asleep but even longer to stay asleep. I woke up feeling just the same so i slept in until 10:00 then got up wanting to do nothing else but a collage of cut-outs from fashion magazines. A strange craving for a sick person. You see, i have lost my appetite(which is very rare) because of these ghastly cough drops i have to suck on. Their flavor is eucalyptus melon. These confuse me, I was under the impression that eucalyptus was poisonous for humans. isn't it? and how does melon fix that fact? *sigh* Art will put me in a better mood, it always does.

Hopefully my next post will be happier.

-See ya